The Scientist
by Scotia Daniel
Summary: Locking himself in his lab, Donnie did the one thing he knew how to do in his time of mourning: invent. Based on the 2012 version. Song: The Scientist by Coldplay.


_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are._

It was a quarter past midnight and New York City had never been quieter. It was as though the city felt Donatello's pain. Understood how he needed silence to concentrate. To get a hold of his emotions and mind. And he was grateful for that.

Dodging from shadow to shadow in the grassy part of the city, Donatello finally came to the spot he was looking for. He didn't need a map to find this place or be told any directions. He knew it by heart. And the turtle knew it was engraved in it like a pathetic map he never wanted to throw away.

Donnie stood in front of the slab of stone in complete silence, not caring who could or could not see him. This was his moment, his place, and no one will ever take that away from him. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he finally found what he thought were the right words to say. "Hey, April. Nice night. isn't it?"

April O'Neil's name glistened in the moonlight. Her birth and death date were neatly etched under the title she was given at birth along with a short epigraph: 'Beloved daughter, niece, and friend. Gone but never forgotten.'

'It's too short,' Donnie thought. 'It should be longer. They forgot to mention how beautiful and intelligent she was, how she always knew the right thing to say and how to make him smile, and-' The mutant choked and put his hand up to cover his mouth, holding back tears.

_I had to find you, tell you I need you,_

_Tell you I set you apart._

"I'm so sorry, April. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be alone in the cold ground. You'd be back at the lair with Master Splinter, the others, with me..." His voice cracked and he silently cursed himself. He had promised to never cry in front of April's grave. He promised himself to stay strong. But Donnie was having trouble keeping that promise.

"The guys are doing fine. Leo finally weened that Foot Clan girl over that you disapproved of. Karai? She's still not exactly good, but she makes Leo happy and I can't complain. It's nice to have more humans around the lair, but it's not the same without you. It would have been complete if you were still here. Leo and Karai, you and me, and then I'm sure Mikey and Raph will find someone eventually. It's weird how everything is just falling into place. Was..."

Donatello glanced over the grave as though waiting for a response. He felt his lip quiver, and seemed to almost be able to hear the young red heads response to what he was saying. 'Oh, hush now, Donnie! I don't blame you. You tried. I'm so happy to hear Leo has someone. Mikey and Raph will totally find someone, they just need time. I miss you, too, Donnie. So much. I'm alright where I am now, but it's not the same without my mutant family. Without you.'

Donnie shook his head and remembered the flowers in his hand. "I got these for you, April. Daisies. Your favorite. And the purple kind, too! See, I remembered!" He bent down and placed the flowers with the others he had placed on the grave every night since she died. "I'll always remember..."

_Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions_

_Oh let's go back to the start_

The night April died was the night Donatello died as well. He hadn't been the same since. It was a night of both victory and loss where he and his brothers had been able to take down the Kraang and save April's dad.

It had been a year since April had joined the turtle's family and how close they had all grown was incredible. Splinter looked upon at her as both a pupil and a daughter. The daughter he was never able to have. And also when Donnie was finally able to have his chance with her. The chance he had been dreaming of since he had first laid eyes on her.

Before the fight, Donnie and April had watched the battle from above waiting for their time to strike. Being trained in the art of Bo Staff, just like himself, the two waited in anticipation for the night that could either kill them all or save everything they knew and loved.

Donatello remembered how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. How gorgeous her eyes shone and how flushed her skin was from the wait. Her skin was smooth as she placed her hand in his and whispered "Donnie, I'm scared. What if we lose?"

Donnie clasped his hand over hers and looked at her long and hard. "We won't."

"But what if we do?"

"I won't let that happen." April searched his eyes desperately. Donnie swallowed the uncertainty in his voice. "I promise."

They could hear Leo's signal from below and April moved to sprint into position. Before she could, Donatello grasped her wrist and pulled the red head into him. Before he could think about his actions, he kissed her right then and there. She didn't move to hit him or pull away in disgust like he had expected. She sweetly kissed him back and broke away a moment later.

"I love you, April. Stay safe."

The teen only smiled and hopped down into the battle. The fight drained the ninjas' energy but they fought on. Taking down the Kraang, Donnie managed to free Mr. O'Neil from his prison. Deathly thin and pale, the man was thankful for his release.

Donatello attached a bomb he had fashioned together onto the Kraangs' portal. It gave them five minutes to escape, and escape they did. However, as the purple masked ninja turned, he realized to his horror the bomb had stopped ticking. Without the bomb, the Kraang could restart everything the turtles had destroyed if the portal remained in tact. But Donnie knew if he went back, it meant death. For the bomb, where it stopped, was due to explode in 10 seconds. He was fast but wouldn't be fast enough.

"Any year now, Donnie. What's the hold up?"

"I have to go back."

"What? Are you crazy?"

"Leo, the bomb stopped. I have to."

Donnie moved to run towards the bomb, but a flash of read raced by him and before he could do a thing about it, April was at the bomb and stabbed it with her staff. She turned towards him with a sad expression. "I love you, Donnie. Keep my dad safe."

Leo grabbed Donatello from behind as the turtle screamed. His brother dragged him down into the manhole where a loud explosion was heard. No one above survived that was within a hundred yards of the building.

_Running in circles, coming up tails_

_Heads on a science apart._

It was that day that an angel was reunited with heaven and a soul was lost to hell. Donnie couldn't eat, sleep or do anything for months. His once proud muscles clung to bone and there was nothing his brothers or rat father could do about it.

Everywhere Donnie turned, she was there. A hint of read, a dash of blue, a shade of yellow. Every day was the same day all over again. His dreams mocked him, replaying that night over and over in his head.

After her funeral, his brothers and even Splinter would go to her grave once a month on the anniversary. They'd have a picnic and play games, acting as though she never left. But Donnie went every night. Always brought flowers, always talked to her from the time night began to when dawn yawned into the night sky.

It was the same old routine each time, but it brought comfort to the turtle. It was painful to remind himself of her death, but he knew it was his fault she was dead. If he hadn't said anything and had just gone back himself, she'd still be alive. Her father wouldn't have to suffer and his family could live on. But no, there he was still mourning a beautiful read head that had been dead for more than a year.

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh, take me back to the start._

Everywhere Donnie went, it just brought back memories of when April was alive. He'd look at a place in the lair and remember the time she fell asleep on the couch, brought pizza to the dinning table, showed Mikey how to work the foot massager she gave to the turtles as a Christmas gift and the moments where she showed Donnie how much she valued him. Showed what she saw in him.

Donnie could hear her voice and see her face as clearly in his head as he could if she were alive. Everything he did reminded him of her. Everywhere he went reminded him of the times they spent together. And when he was able to stand there remembering such hauntingly glorious thoughts, all the mutant could do was close his eyes and will himself to go back into time to the memories that he cherished so much.

Sometimes Donnie felt as though his wishing really could teleport him back in time. That if he tried hard enough, he'd open his eyes and she'd be standing there in front of him. Alive. Healthy. And young. But when he did open his eyes, he was met with the bitter reality of nothing.

If he felt lonely enough, Donatello sometimes found himself in April's old room back at her aunts. Even though it wasn't much, the woman couldn't bear to throw anything away. The window was always open and the mutant allowed himself in whenever he wanted.

The first time he had done that, the room felt cold and empty, but looked as though April would be back any moment. And the mutant believed, for that one milisecond, that she would and she'd be so surprised to find him there but be happy enough to know he was sweet enough to stop by. But even by waiting while he sat on her bed for her to come home, she never did.

Donnie memorized her room. Where she kept her stuffed animals, her computer, to even where she liked to keep her things on a desk with a vanity mirror. It was then that Donnie discovered the one thing he never expected April to have: a photo of him and her.

The photo was small and placed amongst other stickers and the like in a place where April could easily see it, but her aunt wouldn't bother looking twice at. Taking the photo into his hand, he could see how happy they looked. It was the time April had asked Leo to take a photo of them with her T-Phone, but he never thought much about it after that.

But there they were, Donnie's arms wrapped around April and the young read head resting her temple against his as they both grinned at the camera. He had never seen himself look so happy before in his young life. And he knew he'd never be that happy again.

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures,_

_Pulling the puzzles apart._

When Donatello had an idea, all the ninjas knew to give him space and time to work out his thoughts. The Shop was his space, and with April gone, they valued his space even more. Donnie got to work right away drawing out blue prints and sketching out ideas.

The only form of motivation he had to finish his project was the photo he took from April's room of him and her. He hung it just out of reach wherever he went so he could glance at it while he worked.

Donatello searched with all he had for April's photos, recordings of her, anything he could get his hands on, which was not that much. He couldn't bring himself to take anything from Mr. O'Neil, so he worked with what he had.

_Questions of science, science and progress,_

_Don't speak as loud as my heart._

The more Donatello worked, the more he lost track of the time he spent on his latest creation. No one ever bothered him. Not even Splinter. No one asked what he was up to and he was glad they didn't. He wanted his invention to be for him and him alone. It was none of his brothers' business.

Donnie never realized it when he was working, but sometimes he'd cry. The tears would come and be soaked up by the purple mask he wore. His sobs were drowned out by the power tools he used but his pain could still be heard none the less by his family. It was as though he felt that the harder he worked, the more the pain would go away. It never did, but he could still pretend.

_ And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,_

_Oh and I rush to the start._

After months of hard work, Donatello was done. He gazed at the life size figure of April O'Neil staring back at him. Everything was exactly the way he remembered it. The shade of blue her eyes were, the length of her hair, everything. He even dressed the figure in clothes he found in April's former room that brought his invention to life.

Donnie nervously stuck out a hand to the figure and brushed away the bangs from its eyes. It blinked and smiled at him with a tilt in its head. He could almost hear April's voice: 'Hey, Donnie. What's up? Whatchya crying about? I'm right here, so don't cry anymore. I'm here for you, Donnie. Things are going to be okay."

Donatello wanted to download voice files to his invention to hear her speak, but the only recordings he had of her were few to none. He could only take what he had from recordings in his T-Phone and a video they had of her. But it wasn't enough. Even then he downloaded what he could, just so he never had to forget her voice.

_Running in circles, chasing our tails,_

_Coming back as we are._

Donnie felt the tears overflow his eyes and a sob ripped from his chest. He fell to his knees in front of the sitting figure and buried his face into her lap. The robot placed its hands on Donnie's head, gently running its fingers over his skin to calm him down. It only made the mutant cry harder. It just wasn't the same as the real thing. No where near it. It was just a haunting memory of what he once had. And in a way, he'd rather have that than nothing at all.

"I'm so sorry, April, I'm so, so sorry..." The mutant kept repeating himself over and over again, his voice lost in the fabric of her clothes.

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part._

"It's okay, Donnie. It's gonna be okay. It's not your fault, and I forgive you. Please stop crying, Donnie. You're too cute to cry." Donnie swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at his machine in shock. It wasn't what he had programmed it to say. None of the voice files he gave it said those words. But the thing only looked at him with those fake eyes. Oh, great. Now he was hearing things.

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be so hard_

_I'm going back to the start_

Searching the plastic pupils, Donnie couldn't help but smile. Years from then, when looking back at that moment, he still wouldn't know for sure if he really had heard his April speak to him or if that was in his head. But it was what he needed to move on. He knew somewhere out there, April forgave him. Somewhere out there, April was waiting for him. It wasn't his time to die yet, but he knew when it was she'd be there waiting for him with the beautiful smile and blue eyes he fell in love with so long ago. And with that, Donatello did the one thing he thought he could never do: forgive himself.


End file.
